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President’s dog eats Congress’ homework

latteboy arrives at the Bean and Bull coffee shop to find the usual suspects gathered at the big round corner table in a heated discussion over the latest Press Conference delivered by President BHO (Barrack Hussein Obama).  The locals were clearly in a high state of aggression over the top three subjects of the news briefing.

Topic one seemed to be a fallback to last week’s announcement by President BHO that it was now time to pull out the troop surge he had sent to Afghanistan last fall.  At that time, just before the 2010 election, he announced that more troops were urgently needed to keep the country from remaining what it has been for the last 2,000 years, the Opium producer for the world governed by Tribal War Lords that hate America.  Now, just in time for the 2012 election, he is telling us the troops must come home, because well as they say, progress has been made.  Of course this will satisfy his anti-war base and give the appearance that he is doing something even if it is, again, leading from behind.  Then we can look forward to the state controlled media lead their nightly news 22 minute newscast for the non-readers with a tearful wife draped in sobbing children greeting their military man returning home from the war.  This coupled with an occasionally gay pride parade and the obligatory union members demanding that they receive fair treatment, which is to pay nothing for their health insurance or retirement accounts, should solidify the democratic base quite well.  But we all know none of this is about elections!

All of this reminds latteboy of certain parallels between President Bush 43 (DUBYA) landing on the aircraft carrier and delivering a speech in front of the ship’s “Mission Accomplished” sign in the midst of the Iraq war and last week’s “Mission Accomplished Part II” speech delivered by President BHO in the White House.  There are some differences between President 43 and 44 that do come to mind.  President DUBYA spent his formative years in the Air National Guard flying jets for over 600 hours while President BHO spent his time flying a clipboard around the south side of Chicago helping non-workers sign up for government programs to ensure that they could remain unemployed and obtain all the benefits of working Americans. A slight difference, but let’s not get into too much detail for the non-readers to understand.

Topic two was once again,  if we could just get those greedy millionaires to pay their share and several other citizens’ shares, this whole raising the debt limit problem would go away.  President BHO was quick to point out that even though August 2 is the fourth day that the federal government has said the sun may not come up if we don’t agree to increase our debt limit, he said they really didn’t mean it the first three times. But now, on August 2, this is for real and this is serious.   We know he is now serious because he had specific examples.  If we would just stop giving a business tax deduction to those nasty rich corporation CEOs for buying corporate jets, it would all be better.  But then he also stated we should stop giving Oil Companies a tax deduction for energy exploration as that money would be better spent improving the windmill (first used by the Greeks in the 1^st century AD) and start making the first windmill powered car.  All of these business development deductions grouped together for the next TEN years would make up for the money the federal government spent in the one month of February. We should not think of it as only one month’s savings but rather a process of wealth redistribution going forward.  Fortunately, he did not mention any new developments within the buggy whip industry but I am sure something is coming from the EPA soon that will make our life better and ease the pain on all slow moving horses.

But he saved the best for last.  Topic three was that Congress is not working hard enough on the debt crisis because they are going home over the 4^th of July weekend to celebrate the founding of our country, meet their constituents, march in a few parades and judging a few hot dog eating contests. (Congressman Weiner was not mentioned).  This not working hard enough is coming from a president that has golfed on pace with President Eisenhower and has been absent for fundraisers at a rate that is SEVEN times the level held by President DUBYA, and we all know that he never worked!  The fact that those mean Republicans got tired of listening to Vice President Biden (BFD) ramble on about no longer having to ride the train home each evening and walked out on the debt limit negotiations irritated him.  President BHO then cranked up the “wayback machine” and started to channel President Jimmy Carter (I won’t lie to you even though I know nothing) and invoked how even his daughters could get their homework completed on time.  The last time we had a President tell us that his children knew what is best for the country was when Amy Carter was apparently in charge of nuclear proliferation in the late 1970s.  That brain trust brought us 10% unemployment, 18.5% interest rates, and had the public buying homes with their credit cards as the interest rate was lower. How did that work out for ya?

latteboy finds it ironic that President BHO failed to understand that the three things that seemed to have his boxers in a knot were all on display last week by the first family.  Mrs. O and the two little o’s were off on the corporate jet (Air Force One) to take a little time off from school (and homework) and visit one of our apparently most important strategic and industrial allies, Botswana.  This central African country is comprised of 2 million largely illiterate citizens enjoying free education and with an average income of $14,800, unemployment at 20%; there must be oil there somewhere!  Then they were on to South Africa for a photo with President Nelson Mandela (anybody see a future book deal?) and to help the poor children there learn to dance and demand better food at the school cafeteria.  The White House did not say if the Obama corporate jet returned from their first summer vacation via Kenya with a short visit to President BHO’s half brother George, or his Step Grandmother, Sarah.

latteboy does not long for an updated reality show coming soon with Billy Carter and George Obama making their own beer in the Kenya family hut, or Miss Lilly and Step Grandma Sarah, shucking peanuts and looking to kill a gazelle for dinner as they discuss world events on the front porch.

You can’t make this up.  Wake up America.

Much has been made of the country needing to really develop a new “tone” and an ability to listen to each other and “work together constructively” with those who disagree with us about important civic issues of the day.  This was so important that President BHO’s (Barrack Hussein Obama) Teleprompters devoted most of their SOTUS (State of the Union Speech) to this topic.  Of course when this speech was first read by President BHO, emotions were high following the wounding of Congressman Gifford of Arizona and the killing of several of her constituents.  To make matters worse it was first reported by the state controlled media that the alleged killer was a disciple of Sarah Palin and she may have personally purchased the hand gun for him and made sure he had an expanded clip.

But wait.  Under closer examination the poor young man was a crazy, left wing, anti-American, college dropout, who hated President DUBYA (George Walker Bush)!  Well, never let the facts get in the way of a good fast moving story.  Making the news story move fast, irrespective of the facts, may get you a very nice looking Lucite award presented by another fast, fact deficient writer, but neither will ever pass the giggle test.

Now this new “tone” and “working together constructively” has reached a new level in Wisconsin.  It seems that when a new bill was introduced into the Wisconsin State Senate trying to have the Teacher Union Members pay something, or anything for that matter, for their health care or retirement, the Democratic members, all 14 of them, left the Senate Chambers rather than have to vote on a bill they don’t like.

The Wisconsin Senate rules require 20 votes for a quorum, one more than those nasty Republicans who number 19 in total.  So until the Democrats are present and agree to vote there is no quorum and thus no vote.

But then that pesky Sergeant of Arms for the Senate started to do his job and attempt to escort the Democratic Senators to the Senate Chamber to vote.  But over hill and dale and passing Grandmother’s house on the way they could not be found!

Wait, it gets better!  They left the state rather than perform their duty to vote in the Senate!  They are now holed up in a hotel in Illinois Best Western Hotel & Water Park hiding from the law and their constituents.  Of course there is precedence for this behavior.  Yes, it was Democratic Members of the Texas Senate who fled to New Mexico to also avoid voting for something they could not stop.  That standoff lasted over 48 days.

Then just like clockwork, the National Union Leadership arrived to denounce the Governor and Republicans for doing their job by trying to balance the budget.  Union leaders plan to march in goose step with the Teachers who insist on paying nothing for their health care and their retirement.  Jesse Jackson and other full time members of the victim society arrive and after a couple verses of “We Shall Overcome,” they also depart for warmer climates.

As of yet, President BHO and the Teleprompters have only responded by calling this an “assault” on unions.  They are still traveling about the country and closely monitoring Facebook to ensure another Muslim Dictator is not overthrown by an unruly group of well-meaning community organizers in search of more government benefits and the freedom to suppress woman’s rights.

latteboy can’t wait until the Teleprompters declare that the Democratic Senators acted “stupidly” and then arrange for a “beer summit” where they can push the “reset button.”

The crowd at the Bean and Bull is in a full non-decaffeinated tizzy over the Wisconsin Teacher Union Members’ action after the Governor, in consonance with those other nasty, hate-filled, and generally bad smelling Republican Members of the State Senate, proposed in a bill that teachers increase their contribution to both their health plans and their retirement programs.  It appears the State is broke and can no longer carry this expense under a pending 3.6 Billion dollar deficit.

The Union Members’ position is that they already pay too much into these programs and they do not want to be treated like private sector workers in this struggling economy.  You see they already pay into both their health plans and retirement programs the HUGE fee of, well let’s see the data again just to make sure. Yep, they pay NOTHING into either one!

Their average pay is only $87,500.00 per year and if they have to pay for any of their benefits then they will be just like, well this is hard to explain, but then they would be just like other private sector workers!

Therefore, then it must be that the Hitler-like Governor is asking them to pay too much, perhaps, but maybe not.  The bill before the State Senate is asking the teachers to contribute 5.5% of salary to their retirement account and 12.6% of the total contribution to their health plan. This compares to 7.5% for retirement plans and 20% for health plans in the private sector.

However, it does seem outrageous when you listen to the state controlled media, lead by PMS-NBC, who picked up stakes from the other community organizers big rallies around and in the Middle East and shifted their “news coverage” to focus on the suppressed and freedom-denied serfs of the Muslim world and made them co-equal with the Wisconsin State Teachers’ Union.

latteboy will wait until all Wisconsin teachers start throwing rocks at the police and are required to wear Burkas in class before he gets overly excited.

Pigskins Still Smell

latteboy awakens, like the rest of the Washington DC Metro area, to an overcast day and is not excited about the  impending rain.  The weather has increased the crowd at the Bean and Bull and the noise coming from the corner round table is intense.

Pigskins Still Smell

It had to happen eventually, the post-mortem of the political world is overcome by the city’s love of football.  Naturally the talk quickly moves to the Redskins and the Cowboys.  One wonders if there is a direct correlation between being required to be both very short and very rich to own a professional football team.  Mr. Dan Snyder (aka, the Danny or Snyderman) owns the Washington Redskins and Mr. Jerry Jones (aka, The Oilman or I can’t make my face move anymore) owns the Dallas Cowboys.  Both appear to excel at the above criteria for ownership. And both are in the news again.  The Danny is making headlines for giving his star player $100 million to show up for work fat and out of shape.  It now has resulted in a situation where he only plays on third downs (that is when he is not sucking on oxygen on the sidelines).  He gets the same amount of money per play as The Secretary of the Treasury forgets to pay on his yearly Turbo income tax filing.  And the Dallas Cowboys get off to a great start and loose seven of the first eight games.  Granted, this winning record will get you elected to the Senate from Chicago but for the fans of “Americas’ Team,” it requires the firing of the coach. The Oilman sacks the old coach and the new Acting Coach wins his first game and all is well in Texas.  latteboy longs to return to those great days of yesteryear when all men watched Americas’ team in hopes of a young nubile cheerleader suffering a wardrobe malfunction on live television.

Circular Firing Squad

With all the talk of football in the fall air, someone mentions that a former Redskin quarterback, Heath Shuler wants to take his football leadership skills and run for the position of Democratic Minority Leader of the House of Representatives.  Mr. Shuler, following a less than stellar career in football, returned to his North Caroline home, purchased a congressional seat , planned on not getting sacked again and then retire to a gentile life with nice pay and a Cadillac health plan.   He now has made the mistake of suggesting his new job search in public before receiving permission from the former Madam Speaker, Ms.  Pelosi.  Nancy Carmella Pelosi has stopped counting Dalmatians long enough to determine that she has the required votes to remain in power in the House.  Thus we now find ourselves with the Democratic Party forming a new leadership team that will, well how do you say this gently, be the same skilled set that bought them record defeats all across the fruited plain. latteboy thinks that when someone is intent on destroying themselves, it is best to stand clear and duck at the appropriate time.

Foot-in-Mouth Disease Spreads

Just when you knew the Republicans could not stand the good news for too long, someone steps forward and delivers the perfect sound bite that will live forever (or two years whichever comes first).  Yes, that was the former, and possibly new  Minority Leader,  Senator McConnell, firmly  grasping the microphone and stating that his new mission in leading the Senate Republican will be to “make sure that President Obama is a one term president.” There, that should get the spirit of cooperation started on a good footing and make the country feel like the bickering of old is in the rear view mirror.  But he has some competition for stupid statements/actions.  It appears that the former, and possibly new Senator from Alaska, Ms. Murkowski , will win on the “Write-In” party’s ballot and retain her seat.  This is significant as the Taxed Enough Already (TEA) party’s candidate cannot find enough spelling challenged citizens to move the Moose Stew Iditarod to the finish line. At last report Microsoft’s R&D team are rushing forward with a new ballot that will include spell check and a thesaurus for the voting challenged.

Give Me the Money

latteboy is surprised at the news that Keith Oberman did not get permission to give away a small portion of his multi-million dollar salary to the Democratic Candidate of his choice.  In a free country, should not the most vocal Democrat on the all-Democrat News Channel (PMS-NBC) be free to pretend to be both an objective news reporter and have a personal opinion?  Quite unexpectedly, the President of PMS-NBC threw the indigent flag, penalized him 15 yards for conduct unbecoming a fake newsman, and suspended him “indefinitely.”  But not to worry, Keith’s colleagues, and co-fakers, came to his rescue.  Chris (my leg is still tingling) Mathews, and Rachael (Pat Buchanan’s twin sister) Maddow worked themselves to the point where the little white foam on the edges of their months was visible as they bounced in the chair under the bright lights. The good/bad news is that after a great deal of soul searching and possibly a call from George Soros, the President of PMS-NBC determined that Keith had suffered enough and the indefinite suspension was reduced to TWO days.  latteboy thinks this public liberal water boarding is wrong, but wonders  if Keith had been fired, would he have been hired by Fox News to create a new show with Juan Williams titled “Never Ask Permission?”

Take the 3:10 to Yuma

Only in Washington D.C. can you find two related stories presented by the local newspaper (The Washington Compost) where it would appear that they are for both points of view.  On page One above the fold, the lead is a finely written article warning those nasty Republicans who are about to take control of the House of Representatives to “stay out of our local government.” Those of us who live in this basin of egos and undersized intellects knew this story was coming as it is pulled out every time the House changes leadership.  It used to happen every 40 years, but recently the pattern has been broken more often, so the typeface barely dries before it is recycled. But then in an unusual display of poor editing, there appears another story the same day detailing D.C.’s new free bus service for the homeless. This free service only cost $1.8 million per year to take the homeless from their free shelter to their, uh, place of employment.  Yes, the free bus takes them to their favorite panhandling corner or to their scheduled shift walking the union picket line and then returns to pick them up in the evening in plenty of time for dinner.  latteboy thinks you cannot make this up, and were it not for the crack investigating reporting of The Compost this amazing story of human kindness would go un-noticed.  In summary, latteboy supports both positions as his favorite color is plaid.

The Teleprompters are Tired

President Obama has returned from his grueling 10-day post election shellacking tour and is due for some well deserved rest. How the President can maintain this exhausting pace with only a few thousands staff members serving at his beck and call is anybody’s guess.  However, the real story is in the details. Granted the trip did not go as planned, and some of the news reports leaked out unfavorable information, but latteboy is sure that he and Mrs. O had a nice time.  It would have been better if everybody did not make such a big deal about this being the first time EVER that a teleprompter was used in India’s Parliament.  What is a good reader to do?  Then that nasty Germany Leader Lady makes a big deal about us printing all the money we want whenever we want.  latteboy thinks we can do what we want with our own money printing presses.  It’s not like it grows on trees!  And then the South Korean Leader rears up on his elevated shoes ,  throws a fit, and refuses to sign the before agreed upon meaningless document when the TV lights spring into action.  This caused the Teleprompters to break out in a cold sweat and shake with nervousness.  Thankfully all Teleprompters are home and accounted for and are off for some re-charging with those new solar panels on the White House roof.

Wake up America and smell the latte …

In this post:

America Forecloses on Democrats’ House

Nurse Good Body Will Cost More

Go to Meeting Dot Com

Lake Wobegon

Tough Transition

latteboy arrives at the Bean and Bull on this bright and sunny day in the suburbs of Washington DC. If the 40th President were still alive, he would be saying “It’s Morning in America Again.” As usual, the lattes and discussion are heated and in full froth. latteboy heads for the corner round table to catch up on the political autopsy in progress and to access the future Tea Party leaves.

America Forecloses on Democrats’ House

Everybody knew the patients were on life support but most/some thought that Obamacare would help them survive and live another day to spend our way out of this financial mess.  At last count, sixty plus Democrat Members of the House of Representatives have been given the pink slip by the voters.  This hasn’t happened since the late 1800’s and back then, people really were using Sharron Angle’s health care model of paying Doctors with chickens. Now the important business of who gets the bigger office with a better view of the mall begins. And who will be the Speaker?  Who will be the Minority Leader?  Who will be the Whip (although since the witch lady lost, we don’t have to worry about whips and spells).

Nurse Good Body Will Cost More

When one group finishes talking about Obamacare, the next group starts in about AARP just announcing that their employee health care costs will go up 13% next year.  Excuse me but weren’t they the largest group supporting Obamacare last year?  Well yes, but, as you know, times are a’changing and hope and change will cost more for workers, just not for seniors and non-workers.  Somebody has to pay. latteboy may cancel his annual vasectomy this spring in protest.

Go to Meeting Dot Com

President Obama and 300 of his closest advisors, friends, family, business buddies and usual strap hangers are off on a 10-day trip to all parts Asian.  Starting in Bombay, India he will celebrate Diwali, the “Festival of Lights” (is he taking the first President Bush along with his 1,000 points of light or would that seem small in comparison?).  latteboy is not sure of the published expenditure figure of 200 million dollars a day, but it seems like there might be a better way.  Most who go on vacation after receiving a shellacking do not need 40 aircraft, 34 ships, 6 armored cars, and several helicopters at their disposal. Granted the Taj Mahal Hotel is nice, and the mini-frig is stocked with the finest liquors and cigarettes befitting a non-smoking President, but could we have at least asked the Speaker-in-Waiting, the always-smoking John Boehner, for an armored elephant to help curtail cost?  Maybe the President could have one of those new little cameras installed on top of his computer screen.  He could sit at his desk, have some high level discussions with the King/President/Dictator, agree on some less that significant announcements between their countries, offer sincere thanks for the visit, give them a new CD of his speeches, stand up, bow, leave for the golf course and be home in time for dinner with the kids.  latteboy is still wondering how you redeem those Air Force One frequent flyer miles once you leave office.

Lake Wobegon

Then the discussion turns to specific states and races.  How can Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes, 10,000 liberal activists, and 5,000 fish, be in the control of the Republicans?  Where are Hubert Humphrey and Walter Mondale when you need them?  Granted you can always get a couple of thousand votes out of the trunk of Senator Al Franken’s limo, but to lose control of both chambers of the state government is enough to make people vote for a balding wrestler.  No, wait a minute… Then in Alaska, it appears that no amount of Moose Stew served by Sara Palin bounding around in bunny boots could bring Joe Miller and his Tea Baggers to the U.S. Senate.  He lost to a write-in candidate plus a third round draft choice to be named later.

Tough Transition

In an unusual display of party loyalty, California Democrats again re-elected Jenny Oropeza to the state senate with 58% of the vote.  Now the hard part begins, selecting and compiling a new staff, preparing for the transition, getting a new gown for the Inaugural Ball, and oh wait a minute… Jenny died two weeks before the election.   RIP Party Loyalty.

Time to wake up America and smell the latte…

Measuring the Drapes

latteboy begins his day as usual with a stop at the Bean and Bull, the local purveyor of fine coffee and all items worthy of discussion.

As he gets his latte, he overhears discussion at the round corner table where the usual suspects are in full dialogue debating different points of view to whomever will listen.

This being election eve day, the loudest and most vocal discussions focus on tomorrow’s mid-term elections.  While the big news seems to be whether the House of Representatives will get a new Speaker, most are in a full fervor about the Senate races.

Measuring the Drapes

First, latteboy overhears discussion about Congressman Boehner becoming the new Speaker, thereby replacing Madam Speaker Pelosi. Comments about him measuring the office for new drapes are loudly offset with whether she recently shed a tear or if that was a Botox leak.  latteboy thinks Speaker in Waiting Boehner is more worried about where he will plug in his industrial tanning bed than about blocking out the sun with new drapes!

A guy walks into a bar …

The Florida Senate race makes one wonder who will still be standing among the three candidates on Election Day. Numerous comments whirl about our first black president (Bill Clinton) trying to get the Black candidate (Democrat) to leave the race so the super tanned candidate (Republican turned Independent) can beat the Cuban candidate (Republican). latteboy thinks there is a late night joke in there somewhere … A Cuban, a black and a white guy are all in a boat paddling as fast as they can to escape the social and political suffrage of America trying to get to Cuba to take part in that new French retirement program.  After ten days at sea with no food or water, a fight erupts over who will get the last bottle of suntan lotion.

Paying for Healthcare Refarm

New chicken currency created in the Nevada Senate race between Senator Reid (who looks like Larry King’s lost younger brother) and Sharron Angle, Miss Tea Party of 2010.  She became famous for suggesting that one way to get healthcare cost under control was to return to those great days and methods of yesteryear and let people pay doctors with commodities, like chickens and pigs.  latteboy can see it now …  young lady is going to the doctor for breast augmentation surgery… I wonder if she is carrying a frozen bag of thighs, legs or ___ … I’m just saying!

Witch Tea Party?

Delaware’s senate race is about the luckiest guy alive, Chris Coons (the planned sacrificial Democratic candidate for VP Biden’s old seat which was kinda-sorta supposed to be saved for his son, until that pesky unplanned heart attack appeared and knocked out Biden Junior) and Christine O’ Donald, another Tea Party favorite.  Miss O’Donald is famous for talking about witches, constitutional issues, and how we are growing real brains in monkeys.  latteboy is wondering how she knows so much about monkey brains and if elected, will she take the oath of office in Salem?

NSR

Discussion abounds about the alleged racist Juan Williams who forgot to get George Soros’s permission prior to mentioning the word Muslim on National Public Radio (NPR). Apparently Juan did not get the memo about the renaming of NPR to NSR (National Soros Radio).  Juan should have known that the naming rights (just like a football stadium) can be purchased for $1,800,000, and it comes with privileges.  Luckily for Juan, the President of NSR, came to his defense and stated that she knew he was crazy, but not to this extent.  latteboy is going to miss the fundraising drives on the new and improved NSR because he is in need of a new solar powered toaster that comes with a donation of a brand new Benjamin.

Quilting of America

As latteboy is leaving, the TV on the wall displays a map where all the congressional districts are color coded by race and issue. It would appear that the transsexual Latino midget district in upper Maryland is in danger of being taken over by the heterosexual black Mensa group who has formed a collation with the Tea Party Witches who like Moose Stew!  latteboy  is wondering how far this quilting of America will go before the quilt is given away on NSR for a $100 contribution.

Time to wake up America and smell the latte!